By Tyler Roth
As we saw this last weekend in the Detroit vs. San Francisco handshake debacle, the intense competitiveness that accompanies the desire to win does not always bring out our most courteous tendencies. It’s a dog-eat-dog world and as Darwin taught us, only the fittest survive. Coming at the end of an exhausting series of five debates in six weeks, two of the Republican presidential front-runners appeared eager to give more than just their respective post-game pleasantries and open to engaging in an old school knockdown-drag out of their own. In the spirit of that competitive drive, we're examining each GOP candidate and a potentially fitting running mate.
Mitt Romney (Tom Brady) – the former Governor of Massachusetts is certainly the favorite to get a spot on the general ticket but seems to have a problem courting true conservatives. Nonetheless, his confident attitude mirrors his awareness that he has already been vetted in the eyes of the GOP establishment. In what has become a somewhat Machiavellian strategy, many Republicans assume that Mitt is the only candidate who can unseat the President, and therefore even his moderately tarnished record is worth swallowing (e.g. Romneycare). Like Romney, Brady is wildly popular in the Bay State. You’d be hard-pressed to find any football fan who won’t admit that Brady is one of, if not, the front-runner in the game – the same may be true for Romney considering his surrounding GOP field.
Rick Perry (Dale Earnhardt, Jr.) – the Governor of Texas is considered to be Romney’s most formidable opponent. Interruptive and abrasive, he likes taking cheap shots when available in a sort-of ‘gotcha’ offensive. You will often hear him talking about illegal immigrants and Romney’s preferential treatment of them. In all honesty, I don’t follow NASCAR and know very little about Dale Earnhardt, Jr. other than that he embodies the sport. I am confident, however, that if Perry were to win the nomination and team up with Sarah Palin instead, a “Shake and Bake” slogan would make them virtually unstoppable.
Herman Cain (Tim Tebow) – Evangelical Christians and blue-collar Republicans resistant to Romney seem to be leaning towards Herman Cain. There is reason to question whether Cain can sustain his current support through the end of the year. Many have referred to Mr. Cain as the “Flavor of the Week”. With regards to Tebow, there has been a lot of talk over recent weeks of giving the Florida Gator prodigy turned altar boy a shot at starting in Denver. Every sports commentator on God’s green earth has given their two cents on the issue. Majority opinion: despite his immaculate tenure at the University of Florida, the requirements of an NFL quarterback are an entirely different list of credentials than Tebow’s resume has to offer. Similarly, convincing the American people that running a pizza chain is comparable to the role as Commander-and-Chief should prove to be an . . . interesting undertaking. My gut tells me it’s not as simple as a 9-9-9 deal.
Michelle Bachmann (Brian Wilson) – If you’ve read or seen anything about the Minnesota Congresswoman or the Pennant-winning Giants relief pitcher, one word comes to mind – bizarre. Timing is everything in these primaries and peaking at the right moment is essential. Like Herman Cain, Congresswoman Bachmann suffers from Icarus syndrome having flown too close to the sun and is now crashing and burning. She may have to settle for her role as Queen of the Tea Party and if so inclined, show up for a House vote every now and then (I don’t know, just a thought).
Newt Gingrich (John Madden) – Newt has found a niche as the conscious of the party, constantly justifying his presence even if it makes him no more electable than before. While I respect the substance he brings to the field, I think he may be the last to have read the memo that his sunniest days are in the past. Both Madden and Gingrich used to be some of the most revered men in their respective arenas -- Capitol Hill and the NFL. Lately, however, you tend to wait with bated breath as they seem to have lost a lot of admiration amongst their former audiences and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds after they've spoken.
Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman (the WNBA) – Clawing for respect since day 1.
While I make light of the GOP presidential field, one of the previously mentioned politicians will make a very serious run to contest the President and be the 45th Leader of the Free World and should they win, swear an oath to uphold the Constitution and protect the citizens of this great country. Such a challenge is certainly no laughing matter and I look forward to the debate.
No comments:
Post a Comment